Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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