my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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