needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
