i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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