: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
