i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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