Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
