Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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