We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
