Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It was confusing and full of hummus
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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