Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
