I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
