You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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