I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you are never too drunk for berry picking
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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