I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
