Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my being single is dangerous.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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