Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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