I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
