are you so shy because you have an std?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
