are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
