Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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