I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
