God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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