I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
