Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
