his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
