So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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