Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He passed out mid-signature
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
