I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
