I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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