Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
