My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
