I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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