My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
