If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
