i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
