Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
they need to just BURY HIM!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
