my soul wont recognize me after tonight
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
