this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
