We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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