I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize