cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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