it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
His hands were made for my vagina.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I believe in your delicious
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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