please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize