the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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