Your dad touched me again.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
