you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
