for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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