I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
