its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
