her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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