Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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