Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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