I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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