her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Are we still banned from the library?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
