I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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