Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
