i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize