literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
