she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
