I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
