i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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