"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
