i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
