So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
