Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
