I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize