dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
